I’ve got it pretty good as a stay at home mom. One kid is in school everyday and the other one is in school for 2 full days a week. That’s 2 full days to myself, with an occasional Friday. Not a bad deal.
Once upon a time when I was in the thick of potty training and leaking breasts and exploding poop it seemed like a day all to myself was a very distant light at the far end of the little people tunnel. A very faint light.
Six years it took. It was a hell of a wait. But here I am, my house to myself and time to do as I please.
The thing is 2 days isn’t enough. That sounds greedy doesn’t it? Just how much time to herself does a mother need?
I can’t speak for all mother’s but I think the answer might be infinity and beyond.
Sure it’s fun to pick the kids up after school and hear about their day’s excitement but then there’s a little sadness that I have to leave my personal achievement to do list aside while I get busy parenting.
Last summer I went to BlogHer in San Diego, 3 nights and 4 days all by my own. Of course there were lots of other people but I was only responsible for clothing, feeding and toileting myself. And of course I missed my family, I wished the kids were there to enjoy the gorgeous weather and the wonky shaped pool and I was happy to get home. But I so very much wanted more time. More time to write, to think, to plan, to sleep.
Seriously those Marriott beds were awesome.
I feel a lot of guilt and shame about wanting more time to myself, like I’m a sub-par mother unworthy of her children because I crave time away from them. But the truth is just because I want time to myself doesn’t mean I love my family less, it just means that I have some stuff I’d like to accomplish on my own. You know like, being a person outside of being a parent. It means that I am not willing to let go of all my plans and dreams.
And that I have a lot of catching up to do.
>I love this and that someone wrote it! Like you I love my family but I feel like I've lost part of me and finding the time to get it back is really challenging because of all the time I spend doing things for them.
I too, have a lot of catching up to do. When is the question.
>Thank you.
Yes, when is the question. My 5yo has another year of half time school, so I say "when she's in grade 1" a lot.
>Chuck the guilt. Its ok to want time to yourself. Its a blessed silence the moment everyone is gone from the house. We are more than our children and our husband. Remember that!! Don't ever feel bad for wanting to be YOU. Because a happy, satisfied you, is a happy satisfied mama
>You are right, when I am happier with myself I am a better mother.
>I'm not a SAHM but I crave alone time. I don't think that makes us bad moms/people. It's just so rare and that's why we crave it.
I was at BlogHer too!
>Rare is a good word.
Will you go to BlogHer this year? I'm not, wish I was though.
I imagine being a working mom adds another layer of complication to having time alone.
>I will admit I find it very hard. Working full time and still wanting to spend time with the kids, but still wanting to do things for me. There are just NEVER enough hours in the day. And I will admit to being envious of my SAHM neighbour who's kids are all in school full time every day. And even she says she can't do everything she wants. I guess we are all in the same boat.
This year I asked my DH to give me a weekend alone while I am at home. I occasionally have weekends when I am away, but how can I accomplish something when I am away. He agreed and he is taking the kids camping and I get a glorious weekend to do what I want. I expect I will spend it doing some heavy duty cleaning. And I can't wait.
>Ken used to tell me to go out and have some time away, I never wanted to because I prefer to putter at home.
Your weekend at home does sound lovely.
There is a luxury to being at home while the kids are at school, I don't think I'll ever take it for granted.
>FYI I didn't get an e-mail with your reply
>I am a introvert and that makes being a SAHM hard, especially in the winter when the kids are sick and I go 10+ days without a moment alone (except at night). I'm looking forward to alone time with the baby; I technically won't be alone but he won't be asking for anything but milk and cuddles
>Oh Kristin I hear you. I'm on the fence about sending Hank to Kindergarten next year. I'm not quite sure he is ready to go. His preschool teacher thinks holding him back a year would be helpful and other mothers I have talked to say that if I have any doubts I should wait another year. As much as I adore my son, I was really looking forward to a few more hours of free time next year. Ugh.
>You shouldn't feel bad for wanting more . . . parenting is one of the most selfless items in the history of the word "selfish." It's funny that a fear of selfishness comes about when a parent allows him/herself to think about an absence of parenting duties.
Wanting "alone time" is not a reflection on one's parenting, in the least.
>That's one of the nice things about babies, they don't talk back. Much.
>In the history of the word selfish, I like that.
It's the kind of thing that you know in your head but my heart doubts it.
>Ugh indeed. I want to tell you to send him anyways and I'll come for a visit and we can do fun stuff.