I’ve got it pretty good as a stay at home mom. One kid is in school everyday and the other one is in school for 2 full days a week. That’s 2 full days to myself, with an occasional Friday. Not a bad deal.

Once upon a time when I was in the thick of potty training and leaking breasts and exploding poop it seemed like a day all to myself was a very distant light at the far end of the little people tunnel. A very faint light.

Six years it took. It was a hell of a wait. But here I am, my house to myself and time to do as I please.

The thing is 2 days isn’t enough. That sounds greedy doesn’t it? Just how much time to herself does a mother need?

I can’t speak for all mother’s but I think the answer might be infinity and beyond.

Sure it’s fun to pick the kids up after school and hear about their day’s excitement but then there’s a little sadness that I have to leave my personal achievement to do list aside while I get busy parenting.

Last summer I went to BlogHer in San Diego, 3 nights and 4 days all by my own. Of course there were lots of other people but I was only responsible for clothing, feeding and toileting myself. And of course I missed my family, I wished the kids were there to enjoy the gorgeous weather and the wonky shaped pool and I was happy to get home. But I so very much wanted more time. More time to write, to think, to plan, to sleep.

Seriously those Marriott beds were awesome.

I feel a lot of guilt and shame about wanting more time to myself, like I’m a sub-par mother unworthy of her children because I crave time away from them. But the truth is just because I want time to myself doesn’t mean I love my family less, it just means that I have some stuff I’d like to accomplish on my own. You know like, being a person outside of being a parent. It means that I am not willing to let go of all my plans and dreams.

And that I have a lot of catching up to do.