Everyone has difference beliefs and lifestyles, makes different decisions. We are not all the same. And thank goodness for that.

I hang out online a lot. There’s lots of opinions and ideas and beliefs, which is great. Mostly everyone is understanding and gets along well. But every so often I read something with a lot of intolerance behind it and I wonder why it wasn’t expressed with more tolerance and understanding.

Intead of- If you aren’t watching the news coverage right now, why the hell not? (in the case of a natural catastrophe) Why not- The new coverage is fascinating, who’s watching?

Instead of- Why would anybody buy life insurance for their children? That’s morbid. Ask- Can anyone tell me the advantage of buying life insurance for kids?

Instead of- A blog with 2 sidebars is an eyesore. Maybe just hold your tongue.

I don’t feel good when I have to defend myself and my decisions, what I like and choose. I don’t want to make anyone feel like that. Looking down your nose at someone else’s life with your words is showing your ignorance. And that’s not pretty. ???

I am by no means an example in tolerance. My mouth fires words off before I have thought better of them and I realize I’ve said something very judgemental. I feel like a heel. No doubt whoever was on the receiving end feels awful.

I want to be curious and empathetic and supportive. I want to learn why and how others live. I want to learn what it might be like to walk in their shoes a little ways.

Let’s be more tolerant together. Who’s with me?

P.S. Life insurance for children is super cheap. We opted to buy both our kids a whole life policy so when they need life insurance it will be paid and they won’t have to spend obscene amounts of money on coverage. It’s my experience that when you are starting a family there are lots to spend your few dollars on, we thought we could get this covered for them.

P.P.S. Don’t forget She Who Thinks Fastest Wins. I want to hear all about your fast thinking mom moments. Link up your post or send me an email with your genius ideas (peaceloveandmuesli@gmail.com)

10 things that make me feel good.

1. Exercise.
2. A good sleep. Even better well earned exhaustion.
3. Well fed and well rested children.
4. Cooperative hair and skin.
5. Hair combed and tied up neatly out of my children’s faces.
6. Anything neat and tidy. (Please send a house elf)
7. Inspiration.
8. A great outfit, one that is comfy and makes me feel like a million bucks.
9. A meal that leaves me in good spirits.
10. Achievement, any will do, I count washing the dishes as an achievement.

A bonus: Taking time to do what I like.

What makes you feel good?

This is the very last Disney post, promise. Well, before I make that promise take a peek at the Good, the Bad, the Really Bad and the Great of my Disney World vacation at Lula Lola. It’s not pretty.

I’ll wait.

Back yet? Onto Feel Good Friday.

As I meandered through the happiest place on earth it struck me that a lot of people were really unhappy. I don’t mean the satisfied worn out unhappy of spending a busy day of getting the magic on, I mean miserable, like they should have stayed home if you hate everyone and everything so much. There’s a fair bit of waiting at WDW and I amused myself people watching. As I watched some of these miserable folks, I got to thinking…

I know we aren’t suppose to care what others think of us, but what if we did just care. Just for a minute.

Would they look at you talking to your spouse and assume you’d be divorced before the end of the year? Would they see you enjoying moments with your kids? Would they see you ignore your whole family while you played games on your phone?

Would someone watching you think you were happy?

I confess to being very sensitive to this the whole week we were at Disney World. I was not at my best. I was not at my back up best. I might as well of bought and worn the Grumpy t-shirt. But watching the sea of unhappy around me reminded me not to take my grump out on my family. Or on the other families on the shuttle bus. I could still be kind and empathetic. I didn’t always succeed but it’s not about perfection. Right?

If you’re happy and you know it, Smile. For Pete’s sake. Someone could be watching.

I am really struggling right now with wanting. Wanting a bigger house, wanting better clothes, new shoes. Wanting… it’s never ending. It’s not happy making and it definitely doesn’t feel good.

I’m not talking about dreaming, no kiboshing dreams and goals. Dream big people. I’m talking about the “Oh, poor me, I only have 1 pair of jeans” and  “All the other moms have nicer purses than me”

That sort of misery needs to stop. Some people have no house and I am whining and complaining that mine isn’t big enough. That’s annoying. It’s another bad habit that I really don’t need to teach my kids.

I believe that if you are not happy with your current hand, you will never be happy with a different one. Happiness and feeling good comes from inside. It’s taken me a lot of years to learn that.

When a knitter is cut off from buying new yarn (usually b/c she has yarn stashed in every nook and cranny of her house, said yarn is called- the stash) she will say “I will knit from my stash”.

My sister pointed out that this is a great metaphor for life. Use what you have and make it work for you.

That’s what I need to do. Be thankful for what I have and make it into something great.

In my nearly 38 years in this world I have come to accept the physique cards I’ve been dealt. The shape, size and lumpiness of my body are mine to keep. I am thankful for the sleek parts and try not to spend too much time mulling over the flabby parts.

Acceptance.

But at the same time I want to be my best me. Fit, strong, less muffin top.

I don’t feel good with extra padding around my middle. I don’t feel good walking around with my pants undone. Sure, I could go out and buy bigger pants but I’m near positive that won’t feel good either.

There remains but one solution to this feel good dilemma- Trim Up.

So that’s what I am doing. Fighting the muffin top by sweating it out in my basement with workout DVD’s. Here’s what I am doing and I what I think about it-

Skinny Bitch Fitness: Boot Camp

I liked the Skinny Bitch book and took a chance on this DVD. At first I dismissed it as unprofessional. After sticking with it for a few weeks, I changed my tune. Rory and Kim are not TV personalities but they are inclusive and supportive. The workout is reminscent of an old school aerobics class and they are friendly and encouraging. It’s a challenging workout, the abdominal section is killer. Ken doesn’t love it, the foot work trips him up.

The main workout is 45 minutes of cardio and weight intervals, including warm up, cool down and ab work. There are also 5 five minute quick fix workouts. Great on their own or combined.

Beware: Team Skinny Bitch uses pretty colourful language. If you aren’t happy with your child repeating “bitches” and “ball buster” be sure you can workout when the kids aren’t around. I’ve risked it and so far so good.

The Biggest Loser: The Workout – Boot Camp with Bob Harper

This is a 3 level workout, so far we’ve made it to level 2. It’s simple to follow but it’s gruelling and will sock it to you. Bob doesn’t mess around, he is aiming for results. He is encouraging and friendly. Ken loves it, he competes with the guys in the video. If (when) Ken and I have to quit before the Bob says to our 3yo calls us the biggest losers. Family support is great.

The first workout is 30 minutes. As you progress you add on levels- level 2 is 15 minutes, level 3 is 10 minutes. All the levels together give you a 55 minute workout. 

The ab workout in this DVD is all upright, there’s no floor work, doesn’t cut it for me. For strength and sweat, this is a fantastic choice.

Jillian Michaels – 30 Day Shred

This is the gold standard for me. 20 minutes of intense sweat until you fall down exercise. It’s home workout perfection. Unfortunately level 1 hurts my knee and I am not brave enough for level 2. Working up to it.

The shred also has 3 levels. Each level is 3 sets of 3 minutes strength, 2 minutes cardio and 1 minute abs, with warm up and cool down. You will see results and you will see them fast. Jillian is bossy but encouraging, she knows when you want to turn off the tv and quit. Somehow I also manage to get to the end.

Running

Last summer I used the couch to 5K program,the iPhone app. It’s a 9 week progressive program working up to a 30 minute run. That’s my plan this year too, got my playlist ready. As soon as the snow melts…

Commitment

I am committing to exercise everyday, shoveling wet snow counts. The only allowed excuses are extreme vertigo, vomiting and headache of doom.

The good news is- it only takes a few days of exercise to feel good. Try it, I bet you will like feeling good.

What’s your exercise commitment?

P.S. I am not ruling out an extreme makeover in my future, I know where gravity is taking me. If something starts dragging on the floor I am not above having it surgically lifted.

P.P.S. Some of these links are affiliate links.

Once upon a time I wrote a craft/mommy blog. Sometimes I wondered out loud about human nature.

For this Feel Good Friday I am republishing an old post, originally published on A Few Things To Say.

A Query About Human Nature.

I’ve been thinking about gossip. I’m rereading the Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley. It’s about Arthur and the knights and the Merlin written from the perspective of the women.  Great story and it is a trilogy, though I have only read Mists. The women are terrible gossips. Even the Queens who are always reprimanding their women for gossiping, gossip.  On almost every page one of the major characters is saying (or thinking) about how the other women are fools and have nothing to talk about but the other’s and about how they never engage in the folly of women-talk. Then 2 pages later the same high and mighty character is dishing out with the best of them.  Obviously the author wasn’t in Queen Gwenhyfar’s court and uses much poetic license. But I’ve read other historic books and it is a common theme, especially in royal courts. I have to believe it is somewhat true as it seems to parallel what I see in people all the time. What is it about gossip? I hate it, I hate hearing it, I hate doing it. I’ve never met anyone who was truly above it. I have tried many times to stop but it’s like a bad drug. I hate that my children hear me talking about others and are likely to inherit the habit but even that isn’t enough to make me stop.

Four years later, this still bothers me. Still hate doing it and hate my children hearing me. Enough. Time to feel good.

This weekend I resolve to do my best to not speak negatively about anyone. No gossip out of my mouth. I’m challenging you to do the same. Say nice things instead and notice how it makes you feel.

I am a mom. I run a household. I have a lot of balls in the air. A lot of to do lists on the go. It’s a rat race of domestic bliss. I like it. There’s a lot of friends there, we’re all running together.

Some days the hamster wheel of domesticity is better than others. As John Denver said “Some days are diamond. Some days are stone.”

But it’s the days that I can’t get into the game that get me down. The sick days.

There’s no call a temp mom service. Those juggling balls fall to the floor and the to do lists are being used as a connect the dots. The house grinds to a stand still. After 6 hours the house looks like a frat house. After a weekend long party. After 24 hours, it’s getting close to being condemned.

When I’m sick instead of resting and sleeping and recovering, I am stressing out. Feeling guilty for asking my husband to pick up my slack, feeling like I am cheater, like am a big fat lazy bones. Feeling like I am some how faking it to shirk my responsibilities.

Friends- this does not help the feel good mission. I am pretty sure it hinders it. It needs to stop. Please make it stop. Sick happens. Beating ourselves up about it isn’t helping. It’s only making us feel bad. And that’s not feeling good.

Let’s be sick in peace. Let’s not drag guilt and misery into the sick bed with us. Let’s rest and feel good sooner. ???Let the dishes, laundry and health inspector come. We’ll get it all done when we are feeling better.

And for Heaven’s sake please answer me this- why do I never get sick after the laundry is done?

I am loving this feel good week. The muesli lovers are stepping up and leaving excellent comments. Some of them are life changing.

On Tuesday Rose wrote “Everyone has problems and no one cares about yours.” And isn’t that the truth. It is my new shutting up mantra.

I’m so inspired by the comments and feedback from feel good week that I have decided to start a feature- Feel Good Friday. Starting right now.

The Tired Edition

The #1 complaint I hear and I say is “I’m tired.” Or some variation of exhaustion. It never leads to helpful or interesting conversation. Only to a tired off complaint showdown, with each participant lamenting whatever misery that has resulted in their tiredness and arguing why their tired is the most exhausting.

No one feels good. There are 2 solutions for this tired dilemma.

1. Get to bed earlier.
2. Or shut up.

Focusing on being tired and refusing to do anything about it is (excuse the word) tiresome. Move on. Say something kind or generous and have a real chat, one that will energize and inspire you.

Let’s quit this tired whine off. Cold turkey.

The next time you hear someone complain of tiredness (even if it’s yourself) turn the conversation to something meaningful. Should it persist kindly tell them to get to bed earlier so that they might feel better the next day.

And if you must, tell them – No one is interested in listening to you complain. I will be saying it to myself hourly.

I move to offer a free pass for tired complaints to anyone struggling to see straight from tired if they are adjusting to life with a new baby or dealing with teething. Those times are desperate and survival is all a person can be expected to manage.