We just finished epic tv show watching. We finished all 5 seasons of Sons of Anarchy in 2 weeks, then 3 seasons of Downton Abbey in a week. There was hardly any sleep and very little interest in anything not directly related to the tv characters I was absorbed with. Example: During Downton I drank only tea. It wasn’t all soap operas, I did learn some important lessons about myself and the world.

1. Death happens. Even if you are the star of the show with top billing you could be killed off.  If you are just a guest star on a show, enjoy it will you can because you won’t be around for long. No one is safe from sudden death (or dismemberment) on a tv show. 
2. The life of a tv character would suit me, there’s very little hard work to be done and a lot of flouncing around and scheming. I don’t particularly enjoy scheming but if it was the price of flouncing I could manage.
3. At the start of a tv show I am going to like whichever heart throb the creators throw at me. By the end I’ll set my cap to the dark and damaged soul lurking in the back. The love affair usually ends badly, see #1.
4. I am not a fan of online piracy, in all cases I prefer paying for shows. But legal online streaming sucks, in fact I think they cause the glitches to make us watch the commercials over and over and over. Also some shows aren’t available online in Canada at all. Yes I’m looking at you SAMCRO.
5. If there are spoilers to be found I will find them. I don’t believed that patience is a virtue but I’ve never read the end of a book before I earned it. It doesn’t seem that I follow the same rule with tv shows. I must know what will happen next. Interestingly, knowing what will happen hasn’t ruined the watching.

In another week I will be finished mourning the end of Downton Abbey and ready for a new show. What’s your favourite tv show? And please suggest something that I can access without rerouting my IP address through 4 countries and hacking into my American friends Amazon and iTunes accounts.

We booked a vacation. A vacation to celebrate Ken finishing his thesis. Which isn’t finished yet.

I sat on the fence about whether or not to commit to a vacation before the final copy was printed, bound and delivered and the date for defence was set but it’s the beach so I bent the rules.

Look out Florida here we come!

We’re planning a few days at Disney and a few days at the beach. The kids are so excited they wore sundresses for dinner. It’s important to note that the dresses were too small on both of them. So both my kids need new summer wardrobes before we’re ready to pack up and head out. Awesome.

We attempted a Disney vacation 2 years ago. While it was fun, it was filed in the comedy of errors section of life. I learned a few things about travelling en famille that I will not be repeating this time.

1. I will book the flights. Two years ago Ken booked the flights. He is ridiculous with the number of windows he opens on his computer and while price comparing on 1800 websites he confused PM for AM. We flew out at 7PM and arrived at 11PM.
2. Be prepared for storms and flight delays. A 4AM arrival isn’t fun for anyone, 4PM we could probably survive. See above.
3. Minimize time spent on the shuttle. We had reservations booked hither and yon, there was no down time on our last visit just time spent racing from one Disney compound to another.
4. More old school Disney cartoons. The kids loved the old cartoons last time and I loved them laughing themselves silly watching them.
5. I can’t prevent the strep throat/ear infection I developed last time but I’m going to do my best. My plan is like drink lots of scotch and not get stuck on a runway for 5 hours in a thunderstorm. And get a super healthy dose of vitamin C.

I’m on the verge of doing something drastic. Or I am doing something drastic. Let’s call it a 2 phase plan, each phase more drastic than the other.

Phase 1

I’ve broken up with Twitter. It was either a Twitter break or unfollow nearly everyone in my stream. (which I haven’t entirely ruled out) I got tired of listening, reading. There’s so much judgement and craziness out there and I don’t need any(more) crazy in my life. I don’t need to read things about being a better parent in 140 characters or 17 links to how Lindsay Lohan got herself into another cocaine induced debacle.

And for the love of all that is decent please do not post pictures of your child bleeding. Put down the camera and get to the ER.

Like I said, there’s a lot of judgement. I don’t want to read it and I don’t want to be a part of it.

Phase 2

My cell phone carrier has been very diligent about sending me cheerful text messages reminding me that I am ready to upgrade my phone. It’s a bit like subliminal marketing and it worked. I was all set to line up for the brand spanking new iPhone5, jostling other Apple hardcores for the best spot in line.

But do I really need to be carrying the internet in my purse? Not really. What I need is a device to text message my husband to tell ask him to bring home something for dinner and for the school to reach me should one of my kids’ heads collide with the ground or another kid’s head.

Imagine that, a smartphone made dumb. On purpose. I’m kind of excited about it. It feels liberating. Well, until I get dreadfully lost and my GPS map doesn’t work. That will be a sad day.

I’ve been increasingly feeling like a hamster stuck in a wheel and my pounding little feet are what is powering the internet. Like a nursing mother and I am growing the internet instead of a baby. That’s not the internet’s fault, it’s mine.

What I am saying is:

Dear Internet, it’s not you it’s me. Love Kristin

I love to hate summer. Well, maybe I don’t love to hate it but we have a mutual understanding to agree to disagree. And summer looks the other way when I complain about it online.

Being against summer means I am giddy with excitement when the first week of September rolls around and heralds school and cooler temperatures. The first week of September and I are best friends, so much so that I am so impatient to see it again that I barely enjoy labour day weekend.

But this year-

Either it wasn’t all that hot out or I didn’t get enough complaining in because I am really not ready to stay good bye to summer 2012. Most of our summer was lost to making the house show ready and related panic attacks. I don’t feel that I got my money’s worth out of summer yet.

No school, not yet. Let’s stay home in our pajamas and make papier mache or tie-dye t-shirts or gimp bracelets. Let’s do them all, there’s always craft time in the summer. Let’s stay up late and spend the next day playing in the sprinkler. Let’s ride our bikes and make popsicles.

I didn’t even wear my white pants.

I know I don’t deserve it but please give me another chance. Just 2 weeks longer. Please. I have my own pool now and while I can’t promise I will do my very best to not complain about the heat next year.

Whatever you decide summer, I am sticking with iced coffee and flip flops until October. No amount of marketing can force me into a pumpkin spice latte and tall boots.

Day 1

Get up early. Make coffee and healthy breakfast for kids. Assemble equally healthy school lunch. Start laundry. Brush and braid kids hair. Arrive at school well before the bell.

Celebrate a quiet clean house with a cup of coffee. Spend day puttering around the house and internet. Exchange witty text messages with spouse as he orients himself with new surroundings.

Stay up most of the night reading smutty romance novels.

Day 2

Get up. Ask twitter to deliver coffee. Drop kids at school just before the bell. Realize that neither has combed hair or washed face. Laugh it off.

Wash dishes. Fold laundry. Send text messages to spouse. Realize that he is not at the social media friendly conferences that you are familiar with and that the phone strapped to his belt with a protective cases is only ornamental in public.

Accept your communication black out as heart growing stronger strategy. Bake muffins.

Day 3

Refuse to get out of bed. Moan on twitter, complain on facebook. Demand sympathy from anyone who will listen. Deliver children to school in some state of readiness. Pick up Starbucks.

Stare blankly at the walls in your house and wonder when your husband is just going to call already. Half heartedly clean the kitchen but step over 18lbs of toys on the floor.

Chat happily when your husband finally calls. Take it in stride when he needs files emailed for his presentation, 16 times. He needs you and you will be there.

Thank your mother in law for feeding you and your children dinner.

Day 4

Same as Day 3. Only no presentation file emergency and you have to make dinner yourself. Fall asleep on the floor of the kid’s room while singing them to sleep.

Day 5

A blessed PA day and no school. Make note to teach kids to make coffee. Congratulate yourself on borrowing 8 books on CD to amuse your children. Offer food every 2 hours.

Decide all parenting problems are a result of having to cajole, force, screech and holler to get your kids to school on time. Wish for summer.

Bathe children. Enjoy a TV dinner.

Day 6

Reluctantly clean a pile of dishes you’ve been ignoring for 2 days. Hold your tongue when you realize that while the kids were listening to stories they were shaving crayons. Vacuum, scrub and mop crayon shavings.

Totally lose your cool when they attempt to shave more crayons on the just cleaned table and floor.

Drive to the airport. Decide it’s totally fair to make your spouse drive home.

Once home hide in the bathroom with a scotch to shave your legs. Ignore anyone asking about dinner. Smile when dinner is ready and you didn’t have to make it.

P.S. It isn’t a good idea to drink scotch while handling a razor. Shave, then drink.

There’s been some bedtime trouble at our house.

P.S. There’s a little swearing and I am very loud, turn down the volume.